I have been walking around in disobedience and have been for several years. “What?” you may be thinking, “Do we need to revoke your pastor’s card?” Even I was shocked that I didn't become this perfect saint after taking on this new role. But yes, I am human and I have been running away from doing something that God had told me to do basically around the time I got married, seven years ago. I have been running away from writing.
I wanted to be a writer when I was 9. Actually, I wanted to be an actress at first but then when I learned I had to perform in front of people, that dream quickly died. I grew up obsessed with reading and living in other people’s stories. It was an escape from my not-so-exciting normal life I was living. As a young teen, I fell in love with reading classic literature. My library stash contained books such as Jane Eyre and Emma, as well as the Fear Street series. In my family, we moved around a lot, jumping from apartment to apartment so I was never able to keep close friends for long. Books became my close friends, comforting me wherever I went.
Because I loved to read so much, writing felt like the next natural step to take. I kept journals, lots and lots of journals. Sometimes real life was written into them but most of the time, I would make up a life for myself and recorded it like it was real. I used to write with a feather tipped pen on blank computer paper, with a candle lit in a dim room, and Celtic music playing on my boom box (Don't make fun. Little Women was my favorite movie at that time and I was channeling my inner Jo March). I was writing short stories, screenplays, and I even attempted to write a novel. I made up stories that I would’ve liked to have seen in a movie. I remember borrowing books about how to write screen plays and would do my best to get the layout and language correct. I wish I still had those.
When I got into college, I started out as an English major. I wanted to teach high school English but as I got into my major, I found out that writing was not as easy as I had thought. I was getting tired of reading 10 novels in a 4 week period and over-analyzing everything, so when the university I was transferring to would not accept my classes, I took that as a sign to stop. I started hating books and didn’t read anything for about 5 years. I ended up graduating with a degree in Visual Communications. Drawing/designing was something I dabbled in as a hobby at a young age, just like I did with writing, but I never thought it would become my profession. I ended up loving design and am glad that was where I ended up. I figured my writing days were over.
As I pursued design professionally, I no longer wrote stories but I did keep writing for myself. Does anyone else write to process? When I write, I feel like I can dump out everything that is going on inside of me. I write about my feelings, about my day, my prayers, and what God is teaching me. I have a stack of journals filled with my thoughts and questions. I feel that I don’t know how to explain myself or understand what’s going on in my head when I try to talk through it verbally, even with close friends or my husband. But writing allows me to really dive deep into my soul and it helps me listen to God’s voice.
Around the time I got married, back in 2013, I felt God tell me to start writing down my stories, especially my marriage story, and sharing them. I loved that He gave me that calling! What an honor! But as you can see, I hadn't followed through on my calling. I’ve been procrastinating/being totally disobedient to what God has asked me to do. Is fear the main factor? Duh, of course it is.
I love to write but this time, God was asking me to bare my soul. No longer am I to make-up stories to keep to myself or write to decompress from the day but I am to write real, legit stories and teachings from God that concerned me. And then share it to an audience. What the bleep.
But I am in a place where I can no longer ignore this desire. So this is why my blog exists now and if you've made it this far, you're a good friend.
I’m still trying to figure out my style of writing. I don’t know what my voice will sound like and I am assuming it’ll morph and change over time. But what I hope to achieve as a writer is to be a truth-teller, a messenger, to not hide real-life experiences, and to be straight and simple. I don’t want to write explain something in 10 words when it could’ve been said in 3. My grammar will probably be atrocious but it has been 15 years since I studied English so please don’t email me later about it.
As to what I'll write about, my focus will be mostly on worshiping consumerism, committing sin to destruction even if it can/will mess everything up, sacrificing yourself and everything in between, meeting with God every waking moment, and other simple and light topics such as that. I hope you all enjoy.
